Love...Loud and Clear

I am a very big fan of Alaine I listened to this song called LOve..Loud and clear" and it really moved me because I can releate to this song on all different levels so I posted the Lyrics and the video that you can hear how it sound.


You don't have to say it
I know how you feel
You don't need to speak a word to reveal
When you love this way it's
Easy to love what you need (when you need)

So baby...
Close the door
Turn the lights off hold me like you never did before
Closer than we've ever been
With words unspoken
I cry out to you and you answer me
Silently...

In the silence of the night
Your heartbeat speaks to mine
In the silence of the night
I hear... love loud and clear

When you touch you tell me
You'll never let go
With my eyes I beg you to take full control
Baby in this moment
I understand you without a sound
Without a doubt

So baby...
Close the door
Turn the lights off hold me like you never did before
Closer than we've ever been
With words unspoken
I cry out to you and you answer me
Silently...

In the silence of the night
Your heartbeat speaks to mine
In the silence of the night
I hear... love loud and clear

Touch me, feel me, quietly
Don't speak
Just love me now baby
Now let's be silent
Time to give and take love
Let's make loooove

In the silence of the night
Your heartbeat speaks to mine
In the silence of the night
I hear... love loud and clear

In the silence of the night
Your heartbeat speaks to mine
In the silence of the night
I hear... love loud and clear

Closer to my Dreams

I am no going to talk much on this blog I will just let thissong speak for it self



Closer to my dreams
It's coming over me

I'm gettin' higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm getting higher and higher
Feel it in my sleep

Some times it feels like I'll never go pass here
Some times it feels like I'm stuck forever and ever

But, I'm going higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm goin' higher and higher
I can almost reach

Some times you just have to let it go (Let it go, let it go)
Leaving all my fears to burn down
Push them all away so I can move on
Closer to my dreams
Feel it all over my being
Close your eyes and see what you believe

I'm happy as long as we're apart
Then I'm moving on to my dreams

I'll be moving higher (Moving higher)
Closer to my dreams
And higher and higher, higher
Feel it in my being (I can feel it flow around me)
I know that I could not go alone (No, no)

I'm moving higher (Higher), oh...
I'm going higher and higher and higher (Higher and
Higher)
Closer to my dreams (Higher and higher, oh...oh...)
I'm moving upward and onward and beyond all I can see
(Stretching out my arms so I can reach)

Feels so close it's like i can just reach
I can feel my dreams (Closer to my dreams)
I'm moving closer to my dreams
I'm moving (Higher and higher) higher and higher
(Higher and higher)
Moving higher, oh...

Some times it feels like you never gon'change (Never gon'change)
But you never choose to walk away

Just want to be Left alone

As i fell asleep all i felt was tears running down my cheeks.I just feel hurt I want to be left alone seriously. I want to be loved how I love. Is it wrong for someone to want to feel that feelings. I want to have a child that I can give my child the love i give people.I cant take it anymore I really cant. I want to have a hug be shown some love and affection. I want to be treated better because i deserve better. I know at times I ask for alot but this confuse smile isnt working anymore. I can only use up to a certain about of times and now it ran out i dont have it anymore to use it. I feel like a zombie right now and I notice i feel this way anytime i feel betrayed it seems like everything that bothers me all trigger me at once. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.I have been hurt to the max that my heart doesnt allow me to go insane anymore but i still have emotions.

Circle

"They say if you love somethin let it go and if it comes back then thats how you know"


This is where I am in my current life. I am changing day in and out. I love that song "Circle" by marques houston because it speaks the thruth. I felt I have put in alot action wise dont get me wrong i am lacking on my verbal side, but dont action speak louder than words. He have also but I am greedy I need more and if I cant get more I'm sorry thats it.So now at this point in my life I am letting go and see if it is really meant to be. See how "important" I am in his life.I am so serious as of today there will be no form of communication on my behalf.


Signing out
Macintash

Love VS Lust

What is love? One may define love as "Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment." then makes me think What is Lust? Lust is an inordinate craving for sexual intercourse often to the point of assuming a self-indulgent, and sometimes violent character.



Now in society many people confuse the word Love with Lust. With all honesty can you really be in Love with someone you never met? Is that even possible? Can you fall for someone you never had even a conversation with is that Love or is it Lust? I understand if you may like someone,but Love is a strong word that is used loosely does it even have a meaning anymore?*everyone think about those question*


Now to me Love is when you really have strong feelings for an individual.Love makes you blind at times when there is no fault in the individuals behavior. He or she may be caught cheating but you are so blind you say it was there friend.*i am never that blind now lol*. Love makes you do alot of crazy things you would never imagine doing in your life.Love makes you think everything is perfect and you will accept an individual flaws and all.Love sometimes hurt because you give your all but at times you dont get it back.When your in love with someone you think they are your everything but dont make them your everything if they dont even show interest.I notice every song made now is about Love like that is the only topic in life.I love alicia keys song "the thing about love" *
Love
Love will come find you
Just to remind you
Of who you are

Oh love
It will forsake you
Threaten to break you
Take what you got

Everybody laughs
Everybody cries
Sure it could hurt you baby
But give it a little try
See that's the thing about love* this song is the thruth.


Now I will move on to Lust. This is about sexual desire. Many may say Omg I love him but how can you love someone you dont know. They meant to say I Lust him. Then other have sex with a guy or girl they say I Love HIm. Like are you really in love? or you lust the pussy are dick? I am being real in this blog cause Love and lust is very big in peoples life are two different things. One deals with actuaally emotions and attachment and other one is based mostly on sexual desires.



With all this being said you tell me or you in Love or in Lust?

Changes

Changes can be good or bad.I notice as I get older I get more bolder and wiser. There is nothing wrong with Change;sometimes in your life. I would say I look at certain things differently. I have many people that have come and go within my life. Many changes in life often strenghten me. I learn that nothing is permanent in my life just as fast I gain a new friend i also loose one etc. To me it doesn't really matter because there are a few people in my life that means the world to me*you know who you guys are*. I am not the most innocent person in life but I do have Good intent. I personally feel I change for the better. I am not the same chick that anyone can walk over and we still have the same relationship. Also I notice I am not the average girl.When saying that i don't mean i am better than anyone .I am saying that because I am a very strong head individual although at times i do act weak. The reason is because i am a very emotional person. Sometimes i wish my heart was built with iron and steel but it is not. Also i learn if you have good friends hold on to them because Men often come and go ,but a good friend will be there forever. there are times in your life when you know you must change for the better.Like right now i at a point of my life where I am content just a few more classes left then finish with school. I have a lovely family and friends that help me in my crazy times. A guy friend who is a sweetheart but need to change alot maybe when he is about 60 idk lol. With all of this said I thank my mother because she have taught me alot. I am aware of all the games in life ,but at times i still want to test them out ;even though I know the possible outcomes. Now at this crucial time in my life I learn to start doing things that makes me happy. I also change and the only person I try and impress at the end of the day is Me Myself and I. I can't really do things to make people like or love me that is something you do by yourself.One thing I would never change is my friendliness and social skills that is my best qualities. Throughout all these changes I had in life i am still Natasha Annmarie Rubie the chick people Love,adore and Respect.


signing out
Macintash

Missing You

Like right now i am feeling it. I miss my baby being with him for four days striaght just felt so good. I dont usually get to see him often. He lives in florida then he is always on the road so anytime i get to see him i really appreciate it even though i act up sometimes. This time was good though we ended on real good terms.I went home content.I feel like a part of me is missing right now. He is a very big part in my heart.So when he is gone my heart has a hole in it but i am not worried because it will be patch up soon. *sad face*

Can you Love more Than one person?

That is a Good?I really sat down and really thought about that. I am Gemini and I will admit we have a very loving heart. I am speaking from experience.Like can I Love him and also love someone else with all honesty yes I can.The other day when someone did hit me up my heart did drop for a second.So if that is possible with me why cant it be possible with anyone else? I understand each individual is different. I love my wife dearly and i love my Girlfriend. Some opinions of one weigh more than the other thats why it may hurt sometimes. Like when you Love someone you cant really help it. Love isnt someting that is taught.Lets say you can Love different charateristics about a person that draw you to love them. Like my wife may say she dont Love no one but i beg to differ. If she didnt Love that individual she would not be willing to compromise trust and believe. I give her props though because she is made with iron and steel lol she is not as emotional as me. In the end you live and you learn. I feel if you are talking are messing with someone like that you just need to give them like half your heart are maybe 1/4 or maybe 1/8. You should never Give your all when you are not recieving there all.Another Good question But what if the person think they are giving there all and the best they can do because people stick around through the stuff they do? ALways rememberto Love and live life many people are dying from foolishness and sickness so if it isnt a life or death situation you will be aight.


signing out
Macintash

Moving On ?

What does Moving On mean to you? Well to me Moving on means to move forward and dont look back. I will admit I have not fully moved on ,but I have made alot of progress with my move forward. It is not easy to fully move on when your surroundings talk about the person you are tryna move away from. I have revamped alot of stuff in my life dealing with him. For instance I will be real good doing something productive then i get a text or email that has something to do with him. When things like that occur he then is on my mind for those few seconds.Another reason it is kinda hard for me fully to move on is because I am the one wanting to move on it is not a two way thing. Are let me rephase it he never told me that we should stop talking.Like the other day I was minding my business saw some post of twitter from people who still associtate with him so i decided to watch him live for a a little bit. I turn up the volume and they were playing a few songs which i catched off the album. Then i stayed a little bit and as i was about to turn off the broadcast a song "Computer Love" comes on and then he goes *Man Macintash has this song right here*smiles* SHout out to Tasha*. At that point I started crying i was crying cause i dont love him like I used to like whitney sang in "why does it hurt so bad" * I keep crying when i dont love you*. It was nice of him like he could of went on with they live show and listen to songs didnt have to specify who the song was for or whatever the case was. So November 17th go out and support me jk.

Love Always
Macintash* like i give it to him this name was very creative*

Giving Myself And Moving On

It is funny because every single month at least two times out the mouth I say i am finish. Then i go right back at square one but today I am serious. Like why should I Love one person Give them all my Love to one individual that is giving their love to many?Like dont get me wrong he do show he care. Maybe he is too real that's the problem? Have you every felt like your Giving yourself to someone and you feel they can do better?Or maybe I am asking for too much cause I show my actions but i never said how i felt out my mouth?So can i really feel this way? Maybe he feel he is showing his love through his actions? But i feel i am showing my love through my actions as well.Then he wants me to tell him how i feel i am more afraid than shy. The reason i would say afraid is because maybe i dont want to tell him how i feel and then look at the shit he do. Than for me to express how i feel and he is the same person? Like i will admit he is spoil he know he can have whatever he wants maybe that's where it should stop? Like i was a very stern individual and then i became submissive when it comes to him. I am not Submissive at all I am going to school for Management so you see i love the leadership role not really into taking orders.*smile* It kills me at times when I want to walk away for good he do like the littlest thing and make me want to stay and hold on. But who likes crying though. Yesterday i stayed up until like after 5 she ding tears cause i am like this guy belongs to everyone so why should I still even continue with him. Then i do blame his uncle and Father but i also feel if he really want to make a change he can. Maybe i should give him credit for not having sex for 1yr. Like i feel when it comes to guys they prey on the weak. When i mean weak the one that are more Vulnerable. Like i wont lie some shit he say to people he wouldn't say to me because i would give a screw face and he would say he is just playing. It is like i put up a semi front but deep down inside my heart is saying something else. Like i feel if i say how i really feel he will really take advantage of it.Sorry for not being like every other girl I cant be your slave it is just not me i was not brought up like that.Stuff that makes me hold on he littlest things : if i text him and i say he dont love me when i ask him something he responds if he dont respond to anything else; for the fact he gave me a shout out in a song; pregnancy possibilities; say he dont text me cause he dont like missing me when he on the road;out of no where asked to take a pic and kiss me in front of the concert arena;im always the first person he ask if anything;ask me to share him food like a wife;when he used to call me out of the blue and text me foolishness;knowing him since 05;when he first and second day he was on twitter he came out of no where mentioning my name and girls asked who i was and they didnt want to hear stuff and he told them to cork they ears and cover there eyes; God sister say i remind him of a girl he liked alottt; My 2Hour Preach from Uncle telling me what it is; it isnt stopping me from living or doing what i have to do; he notice when i am sad he only smile for a bit then goes off and is quiet; acts real shy around me and always grining up his teeth like i grin up mines; just chill and relax with him without having sex; even though i massage his head with my knuckles lol he dont ask anyone but me;love layin next to him and kissing his body as he sleep and play with his hair; how could i forget the most recent when i ignored him and he was emily car he told her the car smelled like me with love in his eyes; that he isnt afraid to do what he do calls me out to claim territory ;Tiannia and emily and even nisha saying not to give up; got cursed out many times and still standing strong there are many more things but i will leave it like the most recent which makes ME still wanna hold on But I am ready to walk away i just need the proper support


THIS IS HOW I USED TO FEEL MAN


HOW I KINDA FEEL

Me and MY Goddaughter/Niece

yesterday I had a good day with my wife and my God Daughter/Niece it was a real good day. She is too cute man I love kids and was real fun seeing her and playing with her. I even had her saying something my friend always say Iggy which i found real cute. Watching her made me think about kids even more like my whole mood yesterday was extremely happy. I notice even more my joy for kids and how much i love kids I was excited the whole day and night man.I also sat and talked with the wife about my husband and some shit I was doing under the influence of Alcohol. Everyone listen to me say NO to alcohol OK igggyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

You never find

I love this song this song is real deep by Jah cure he is a very talented reggae artist. He is saying that basically he goes hard when he loves. There is no one in the lifetime that can love this person like he can.I heard this song and i fell in love with it because i feel like that sometimes. I can go on and on about this topic but i will leave it with someting light and touch on this topic in a latwer post you feel me. Aww man this song is beautiful *sings "you'll never find no one in this lifetime to love you like i do". I want you guys to listen to the words of this song it is deep man a real big tuneeeeeeee.


*signing out*
Macintash

Mother and Child

Mother and child is just figurative speech to me ok guys don't think much of the picture. I call me and my friend relationship as a mother and child. The reason I say that is because I spoil him and he can have whatever he want without hesitation. This is just like a mother to her child. Mothers are always loving to their child and always give them what they want because they don't want their child to be upset. It is very hard sometimes for the mother to use the word "NO". Then their is tough love which hurts alot. When you start showing tough love it hurts the mother more than the child , but it also lets the child understand that they cant always get what they want.


short poem

"I hope you remember the day we first met
It was like heaven on the sun
You made me feel very sweet
You made my heart go faster than a shotgun
You did all those things for me
And now its time to repay
To show you love in every way
On this Special Day
I wanna show you that I know how to love
So you don’t misunderstand
That only I can make you feel
Better than any man
Its my turn to make you laugh and think of words to say
But its only for this one Special Day! "


"signing out"
Macintash

WHY?

Why would someone get a Tattoo like that saying "#1 DICK SUCKER"? I found this tat very amusing so i sent it to my boyfriend number 2 who showed it to My husband and everyone.I asked them if they liked my new tattoo? Even my husband wanted to speak to me for this obsene tattoo. The BfN2 was just laughing and said it was "its cool" and was being real slack about it. He also stated i would have to wear a turtle neck 365 24/7. The rest just wonder what will my mother say. They were going in too much so i had to call them and let them know that this was not my tattoo. Man the things I do in life never seem to amaze me but anywways back to the tattoo. Like ok if you want to get a tattoo that represents your status nothing wrong with it but why get a tattoo that is so vulgar on your chest. That shows she donesnt have any moral or ambiition. Hopefully she doesnt wear any V necks or low cut tops.


*signing out*
Macintash

Feeling Like MJ

Comfortable

When you hear of Comfortable what do you think of? Well I think of being satisfy, know your place dont have to go so hard. Sometimes I have to realize I 24 years old and not a child so the shit I do is more mature than some individuals you feel me. Like let me be real and honest with myself how long i knew these negros? How long i been chillin with them? and not on who got the most pictures level it was on some chillin shit. Ok enough about me lets get back to the word comfortable. I feel when you are comfortable about a situation or in general you dont have to go so hard for someones approval. I am a person if i do it that comes from my heart not to see what people are going to say smh. If you felt you had anything you can handle stuff differently than acting as a child and a fien.


*singing out*
Macintash

Twitter Withdrawls

Aww man so i was on a twitter break for about 5 days. So today i started back and guess what i got so damn Happy. Now as my friends or on twitter tweeting away on I am stuck for a hour and i cant even tweet goodbye. Lmfao and now my sister is in here bragging because she can still tweet and here I am *scracthes fingers like a crackhead* with no way of tweeting. I will confess I am a Tweeaddict *cries*


*Signing out*

Beautiful Monday

Today was a Beautiful day so far very hot though. I woke up went to the physical therapist for my ankle.Then I came home and blast some music and did my favorite thing in the world dancing. Man I love to dance videos will be posted later.I am just relaxing now and taking each day one step at a time.

*Signing out*
Macintash

No More Acohol

I never was a drinker i would take a sip here and there maybe at certain Occasions because i hate the taste of alcohol. I am serious now i dont want to drink any more. When you drink most of the times you dont remember anything that happens and I dont want to be at a point like that.I was really drunk two times in my life. The first time I was drunk but i had some form of judgment and then the second time i dont really remeber much. Thats why i dont want to drink. I was speaking with my wife and she was telling me some of the stuff i was saying man she said i was talking mad Reckless serving people and I dont want to do things like that.I want to be fully aware of my surrondings and actions so for now on no more liquor for me like the commerical said "Not me not now" .

*signing out*
Macintash


Perfect song is "I dont remeber" By Ciara i love this song it is so true man

Give Thanks

Today is the lords day. I did not go to church but the lord knows that i love him.I call this blog give thanks ,because many people complain about bad things that happen to them. You need to stop and give thanks to the lord for being alive. The littlest things we take for granted is the biggest things for some people. Many things that happen in life are often signs the lord is trying to show you and that's when you step up and say if you want to follow through or continue living your life in a struggle. I am thankful for family and friends that are very caring and loving; not many people can say that. Like there is nothing wrong with wanting bigger and better things but there is a problem with being greedy in life.I know sometimes you feel you are in the world by your self. How is it possible yo have so many family and friends and still feel your in the world alone? I know there are times when certain things happen and you may question if there is a lord;before Questioning that you should Give thanks for the good and the bad because in life they both make you a better person.

*signing out*
Macintash


A Beautiful song by an attractive gospel singer Smokie Norful "I need you now"

Me and my Baby Jayden

I love this boy heheheheheheh

Black and White

Sometimes your world is Black and White and lack colors

Betrayed

Have you ever been Betrayed? like I dont know why I make it bother me so much because I have been betrayed so much in Life I should be used to it. It hurts me because I try and be nice and give to people but they take all you have and are not appreciative of what you do. I keep saying i am gonna change but to be honest i cant a pastor once told me i have a very good heart one of many. She told me i will go to heaven with a heart of Humanity. That is real true because I am a loving and caring individual. I am a person if I have my last dollar I would give it to someone that they can better themself no matter what my circumstances is. I am a person who bend over backwards for people and a common thank you or atleast show your appreciate it will mean the world to me. Like I notice people take my kindness for weakness i am learning how to cope with things like this. I feel often used many people use me for what i have and once they drain me out they move on stuff like that hurts and when I use my "Confused Smile". Many people sometimes are afraid to say when they are hurt or show emotions but I am a very emotional person I show my feelings sometimes.


*signing out*
Macintash

Best Friend/Girlfriend

Well today i spoke with the best friend at first my feelings was betrayed but then it turned into Happiness, and no she did not betray me.Like i really enjoy having her as a best friend/Girlfriend because she is always there for me not one day passes by and she doesn't hit me up. That is something most people don't understand and I love her for that and i will continue to love her for that. Like currently I was on a break from communication and everything from all social sites and people but when she saw that she went out her way and asked if it included her and I told her no i would never block her out because she is always persist ant and willing.Then i saw a video of someone i loved Dearly and spoke with someone as well and my face lit up and this smile was genuine it wasn't a "Confused smile". This was actually a smile of happiness. I also love my little cuz emi she is a sweetheart and also always there for me to talk to as well as i am there for her.


*signing out*
Macintash

Michael Jackson

I really like this interview with him and Operah





Like what do you think of when you hear Michael Jackson? Thats a good question.The documentary above basically did his whole life in about 45 minutes. It covered everything from his early childhood sucesss , false accusations,Later year and to his death. Michael Jackson to me was a very dominat figure in American popular music and culture.He was givng, sincere, willing,too many things I can go on and on about him. Many people often looked up to Michael and to me he deserve it. He did so much for the world and the society that sometimes go by not notice. Now at this time of his death the most you hear about him on the tabloids is basically his child molestation cases which were all false. This shows you in the world that the bad always out weighed the goods.I also find it true that is how society is in general you can give and do many good things but once you do something wrong it is like your life is destroyed. I really dont know man this is how society is and we cant change it because we are accostumed to all these things.I notice something about me i have similar characteristics of Michael Jackson I know i am far form the level he is but i know if i had the money i would be doing all those things he do because i feel it is better to give than recieve. With all this said even if things he did went un notice to the world I Know God saw everything he did and had a big smile on his face.

RIP Michael Jackson you may be gone in body but your spirit and life will continue to live on no one will every forget about you.

*Signing out*
Macintash

Confused Smile

You ever wonder what a confuse smile is ? well I have a confused smile. The way I smile it shows as if i am care free and happy but deep down inside I am in pain and hurt.Do you have a confused smile? I am a person that smiles all the time no matter what the circumstances may be but sometimes I am hurt and dont really know how to express it but smile. I know that seems very wierd but everyone has different ways of expressing how they feel. I try and "live my life to fullest" as many may say but with all honesty i still have a barrier a block that doesnt make me live as full as I want to. I will not complain cause at the end of all this i am still alive and love the lord with all my heart.


*signing out*
Macintash


leaving you with this video a Bestfriend of mines put me onto this song
"I Trust you"

What Is Love?

Check This Video out "The Thing about Love"




It is funny because many people use that word loosely. Like females or males waits for their better half to say the word. Many people arent good with using words to express how they feel they use actions.When it comes to actions i feel sometimes it is even better because the person is showing you. Like the saying "I can show you better than i can tell you". Like to me love is a good thing it has it ups and downs I will tell you that. Like when you are in Love you will go above and beyond for a person. You will do things you would never imagine or thing you would do just to make that individual happy. Thats when you stop and think with all these things or you happy as well. Like you can keep giving and giving and giving but you will want to see something back in return.Some of the bad things about being in love is that you are blind. There is nothing the person can say or do will make you stop from loving them. The person never have flaws. Many times you lower your standards and expectactions because you love this person so much but make sure it is worth it. Like will i say i am in LOVE yes i would say that is it real deep yup are some of these thing i stated refers to me ofcourse it does.I am just sitting and writing and telling you my take on LOVE you can agree or disagree cause everyone is entitled to there own opinion but this is mines

*signing out*
Macintash

Mixed Feelings

Are there times when you feel down but happy at the same time? well i call it mixed feelings like i am at a point in my life where i am feeling that way. It like you want something you sorta have it but it isnt so good for you. Like sometimes i feel my world is black and white no form of color. For the past couple of days i just been feeling real down i dont really know why i am so down . I just want to be left alone i dont feel like commnicating with my direct family. I just want to be in my room with my door lock. I dont even feel like going outside and seeing sunlight to be honest.

Mixed Emotions

hmmm i dont know have you ever wanted something so bad but then when you have it you dont really want it any more hhmmmmm well you want it but then you think about it like is it good for you and start to look at all the risk