It is funny because every single month at least two times out the mouth I say i am finish. Then i go right back at square one but today I am serious. Like why should I Love one person Give them all my Love to one individual that is giving their love to many?Like dont get me wrong he do show he care. Maybe he is too real that's the problem? Have you every felt like your Giving yourself to someone and you feel they can do better?Or maybe I am asking for too much cause I show my actions but i never said how i felt out my mouth?So can i really feel this way? Maybe he feel he is showing his love through his actions? But i feel i am showing my love through my actions as well.Then he wants me to tell him how i feel i am more afraid than shy. The reason i would say afraid is because maybe i dont want to tell him how i feel and then look at the shit he do. Than for me to express how i feel and he is the same person? Like i will admit he is spoil he know he can have whatever he wants maybe that's where it should stop? Like i was a very stern individual and then i became submissive when it comes to him. I am not Submissive at all I am going to school for Management so you see i love the leadership role not really into taking orders.*smile* It kills me at times when I want to walk away for good he do like the littlest thing and make me want to stay and hold on. But who likes crying though. Yesterday i stayed up until like after 5 she ding tears cause i am like this guy belongs to everyone so why should I still even continue with him. Then i do blame his uncle and Father but i also feel if he really want to make a change he can. Maybe i should give him credit for not having sex for 1yr. Like i feel when it comes to guys they prey on the weak. When i mean weak the one that are more Vulnerable. Like i wont lie some shit he say to people he wouldn't say to me because i would give a screw face and he would say he is just playing. It is like i put up a semi front but deep down inside my heart is saying something else. Like i feel if i say how i really feel he will really take advantage of it.Sorry for not being like every other girl I cant be your slave it is just not me i was not brought up like that.Stuff that makes me hold on he littlest things : if i text him and i say he dont love me when i ask him something he responds if he dont respond to anything else; for the fact he gave me a shout out in a song; pregnancy possibilities; say he dont text me cause he dont like missing me when he on the road;out of no where asked to take a pic and kiss me in front of the concert arena;im always the first person he ask if anything;ask me to share him food like a wife;when he used to call me out of the blue and text me foolishness;knowing him since 05;when he first and second day he was on twitter he came out of no where mentioning my name and girls asked who i was and they didnt want to hear stuff and he told them to cork they ears and cover there eyes; God sister say i remind him of a girl he liked alottt; My 2Hour Preach from Uncle telling me what it is; it isnt stopping me from living or doing what i have to do; he notice when i am sad he only smile for a bit then goes off and is quiet; acts real shy around me and always grining up his teeth like i grin up mines; just chill and relax with him without having sex; even though i massage his head with my knuckles lol he dont ask anyone but me;love layin next to him and kissing his body as he sleep and play with his hair; how could i forget the most recent when i ignored him and he was emily car he told her the car smelled like me with love in his eyes; that he isnt afraid to do what he do calls me out to claim territory ;Tiannia and emily and even nisha saying not to give up; got cursed out many times and still standing strong there are many more things but i will leave it like the most recent which makes ME still wanna hold on But I am ready to walk away i just need the proper support
THIS IS HOW I USED TO FEEL MAN
HOW I KINDA FEEL
AWWWWWWWW TWINNNNNNNN I THANK U SHOULD STAY NEVA KNO WAT WILL HAPPEN IF YA STAY
ReplyDeleteI WILL SEE
ReplyDeleteYou know I support you in whatever you do. I've said from the beginning that our friendship runs deeper than these boys who just so happened to steal our hearts. Because there will be a day when that all has to end. Whether it be a month from now or 20 years later. But friendship is forever when it's real.
ReplyDeleteBut you're always the one who tells me not to give up & it would make me so sad to see you do the same. I know you'd be doing it for your own good though, & I only want the best for you. But you've come so far, & there's still a lot of room for progress. This isn't over. I don't think you should stop till you make it to the top. With someone like me that's not the case because I don't have what you do. But you are so close Tasha. What other girls that met them in 05 are still hanging in there to this day? None of them, they all dropped like flies. But you're like a mountain in the middle of a desert, rising above everything else.
& you've already put so much effort into this, you don't want it to be for nothing. How about what you gave him in 07? [ don't need to go into detail, you know what I'm referring to ] Or getting his name permanently written on your body? You can't just completely quit because those things will still be there. God will let you know when it's time to let go. You can't force it.
I wanted to give up on who I loved so many times. Before I even met him I saw something in him, but there were a million missed opportunities where I could've gone to see him but didn't. It was looking like it would never happen, but the voice inside my head told me that I will meet him someday. People still ask me if I was surprised I got to meet them, & I say no. I always knew I would one day. Then I wanted to give up because I *mistakenly* thought he had a girlfriend. I wouldn't listen to their music, visit their site, or expose myself to anything that had to do with them off & on for about 3 months. I was convinced that it was my cue to give up.
But the problem is I was forcing myself. I wasn't ready to let go.
Then after 3 months of trying so hard to get over him, I did a total 180 & actually ended up meeting him. What if I would've given up? Sure it would've spared me a little bit of pain, but I would've missed out on one of the most important people in my life. I would endure all the pain over again, no hesitation. That's how I know I love him. That I'm willing to go through that heartache, & never would for anyone else. Life would be easier if I hadn't met him, but it would also be a lot more dull & pointless. Every time I'm in pain & imagine if I never met him, I quickly wipe the thought of it away.
There are sooo many other times I wanted to give up. I thought that August 14th [ wink wink ] would never happen after all the stuff they had been saying. But even though I wanted to give up, I couldn't. If you want to give up but you can't, there has to be a reason. & once again, I kept persevering & I got what I had hoped for. Every single time I've wanted to give up, tried to, forced myself to, it's never worked. Because that little bit of love you have left is strong & it always wins. & low & behold, eventually a blessing comes along.
When you follow your heart, you can never go wrong. Ask yourself if your heart is telling you to move on, or is it fear that's commanding you? Fear will never steer a ship safely to shore. Love is the only path you should take because even if you don't reach love, you'll be walking in the right direction. Eventually you'll reach your destination. If you let fear guide you, you're not running toward anything, you're running away from it.
I hope this helped you. I don't mean to be biased, I'm just speaking from my personal experience. This blog & my response actually helped me figure out a lot, thanks. :D
*crying* thanks cuz you are right you already know what my heart is saying to stay but my mind is telling me to leave
ReplyDeleteIs it all worth it?only you know. I can look at this two ways,but I'm just going to give my honest opinion. Whatever you do in life..at the end of the day you need to be happy. I know that may seem "selfish",but that's how you have to in life. I know everyone is saying you came so far..you been through so much..,but again why put yourself through all this? The question again is only for you to answer. I look at this like an example of how some people use love to justify things. Like some people walk aimlessly,and do things they would never have done before,then say: I did it cause of love. You can't keep fighting this battle if you are unsure. You can't keep silent cause of love. Why should you endure pain for someone else,who live their life to the fullest? I couldn't do it,and that's just me. Your love is strong for one person,but his love is divided in many pieces. Isn't something wrong with that picture? Do you think ones love can be divided and remain equal for do many people? There's so many questions that run through my mind,but this is not the time to full up the comment area with it. I give you credit,I see the girl I once knew within this entry. I respect your thoughts even if I may not agree. You deserve a lot,and whoever or whatever path you choose;I hope you find it. Your love is priceless..
ReplyDeletethanks wife lol
ReplyDeleteawww man well I always tell you everytime you say you are gonna give up That all I want is for you to be happy whateva the outcome maybe. But at the same time I agree wit everything both nisha and emi said. And we just talked out this yesterday when I was havin my moment and u preach to me not to give up. But at the end of the day when its all said and done i can tell u a million and one things. But the only thing ima say is do whatever Makes Natasha AnnMarie Rubie happy.
ReplyDeleteaww apreciate it lol
ReplyDeleteOh & one more thing. Sometimes we forget what we have because we're too focused on what we want. Or we also forget where we came from, when we had nothing at all. So we constantly ask for just one more thing, then that turns into another & so forth. Drive is human nature in its healthy state. But when we take it too far, it becomes longing. So what I'm trying to say is be grateful for what you have. I'm still working on that.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted what you have & I was secretly jealous in a good way. You give me hope that maybe someday I can have that too. & I look up to you because you give your all when you love someone. I'm too scared so I always hold back, which ends up hurting me in the long run. I'm left with the regret that I could've done more. If you continue giving it all you've got, not only will he be able to see the real you, but you'll know you did all you can do. That's the only way you can move on, when you make peace with yourself. You have a lot more than me & I'm still going, so if I can do it I know you can.
Awww cuz your too funny but you are right thats why nisha always say just say what i feel lol to him but she said when i dont want to do something i give up and then want to walk away lol
ReplyDeleteEvery relationship has bumps & hurdles & detours. Its up to u to decide if u're gonna keep going. It takes work--hard ass work--& if u don't feel its worth working for, don't waste ur time trying to have it! But whatever u decide make sure u're doing it 4 u.
ReplyDeleteif ur gettin fed up just take the friend role for now. cuz i know ur mad at him and don't completely want to loose him. u should tell him how u feel and tell him the situation and what u want to do. just don't be weak (like me sometimes) because he'll play right into that weak role.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Emily! Its like this...if you dont have to work hard for something..than the interest will not be for long..fr0m both of yall viewpoints! you ever heard of an "love at first sight" relationship that lasted for longer than mayb a month of fuckin?? you have to be patient because yall 2have came a long way...and from what I see he is really interested in you. I think that maybe the relationship should open up more far as communication wise...let him know how you feel..if u are scared to seem too far ahead of yall relationship..u shouldnt. and u shouldnt care about them other chicks who he screw..i mean like dem... fuckin at first sight chicks are not going to get far! U really shouldnt give up! That mean you wasted all your time..and ok if you do u are neva goin to forgive yourself because youre always gonna have that "what if.." in ur mind. But u shouldnt b scared to open up to him because he should already understand wat is coming out your mouth, If he dosent them mayb...Mayb u should try to move on *its not going to be easy*
ReplyDelete